


The Duality of Man

by I_ran_out_of_books



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Arthur, BAMF Merlin, Boys In Love, Canon Era, Crack, Dark Merlin, Enchantment, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Merlin, Fluff, M/M, Magic Revealed, Mild Sexual Content, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, good Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_ran_out_of_books/pseuds/I_ran_out_of_books
Summary: Merlin takes a spell meant for Arthur and now things don't look too good. Arthur has to figure out how to keep Merlin under control while they find a way to fix everything.





	1. Arthur's Friend

**Author's Note:**

> I started with one short idea and things really went off the rails when I started writing. This is the first time I do anything with more than one chapter so I hope it goes well. 
> 
> Spells used in this chapter are in the notes in the bottom if you want to know what is being said, and if you don't then I won't spoil it for you ;)
> 
> (I promise I won't give up on this story if y'all don't give up on me! I'll try my best to give you guys a good fic!)

Leaves crunched loudly under the hooves of six horses. Merlin sat stiffly upon his humble mare's back and looked around. 

"Merlin stop being a worry wart. We already stopped twice and checked the area, there's no sign of the sorcerer around. The information must've been wrong or a villager trying to make a few gold coins off my father's paranoia," Arthur joked trying to make light of the situation. Merlin looked so tense he thought he might have a heart attack. Arthur understood being weary of magic but his manservant looked so concerned he could rival his father at that moment. 

"No, Arthur. I just know they're here ..." Merlin said with eyes darting around, "I can feel it."

"Yes, because if there's one thing you're known for is your incredible sense for danger," Arthur snorted. 

As Merlin turned to snap back at the prince a shrill shout came from the tree line to their left. Trained hands of knights flew to belts that held sharp swords. Arthur's taunting expression morphed into an intimidating leer in a split second. "Show yourself," Arthur commanded. A few seconds passed and Merlin's jaw tensed, the air buzzed with something not quite right. Just as Merlin started to let his magic rise to the surface there was shuffling and a figure began to present itself. But instead of the "frightening old sorcerer" that had been reported a young woman staggered out from behind the tree. She trembled lightly and looked shockingly pale. "Please ..." she whispered hoarsely, "I was just attacked by a couple of bandits." At this Arthur narrowed his eyes but seemed to calm some. With a flick of his wrist Gwaine and Percival broke off from the group of knights to scout out the bandits. 

The young woman pulled the hand she was holding firmly against her stomach away from her body to reveal a bloodied palm and dress. "She's injured," Arthur said hopping off his horse and approaching her with caution. Merlin hopped off his own horse and hurried closer to the pair. He could still feel something wrong nearby but he was the physicians apprentice after all and the girl needed treatment. "May I take a look at it, my lady?" Merlin said calmly to not frighten her further. She eyed him wearily but winced as the wound seemed to seep more blood and nodded her head. "Did it feel like they grazed your skin or did it feel like the blade sunk in?" Merlin questioned as he looked at the cut. It was difficult to get a clear view of it through the layers of her dress and the blood that muddled all of it together. Merlin reached forward touching the edges of the wound where the fabric was torn. Suddenly he was hit with a wave of angry magic bubbling so hotly under the skin he felt nauseated and pulled his hand back with a hiss. 

"Merlin are you oka-" Arthur began as he reached over to steady Merlin only to be cut off by the man himself. 

"How many bandits were there?" Merlin blurted. 

"Wha- uh .. two," the girl supplied with round watery eyes. "Please, it hurts." 

"Why didn't we hear them?" 

"I don't know." She covered her wound and hunched over a bit. 

"What did they take from you? Why were you by yourself? Why didn't you call for help?" Merlin spit rapid fire questions in an almost angry fashion. 

"I ... I don't know! It all happened too fast!" she cried and began to shrink away from him. She clutched her stomach more tightly and fat tears began to roll down her pasty cheeks. 

"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed appalled at Merlin's behavior. Merlin was usually the one to tell Arthur to be kind and now he berated this girl who was clearly in shock. Merlin didn't even turn to look at him, only stared at the girl even more intently and gnawed on his lip. Making a decision Merlin stepped in between the girl and Arthur. "Something is wrong here," he said, "we have to go _now_." The three knights who remained on their horses diligently watching the area gaped at the interaction. Merlin never acted like this even when under pressure. They knew he was brave and loyal but he would never make an injured woman cry or order the prince around so blatantly. Lancelot watched through narrowed eyes from the rear of the formation. Lancelot knew Merlin had magic and he trusted Merlin's sense of danger. More than that he knew something the other knights seemed to overlook often. Merlin was kind with one exception. When it came to protecting Arthur he was like a fierce creature ready to tear anyone apart. 

Merlin spoke to Arthur then but kept his eyes on the woman who Arthur ignored in favor of staring at Merlin with surprise. "Think about it Arthur. Her story doesn't make sense. We're called out to the middle of the forest where there is no evidence of anything magical only to suddenly run into a defenseless woman who was attacked close enough for us to hear her yell but somehow we didn't catch a hint of the actual attack? You're a warrior, Arthur. A strategist. Look at her wound, convenient placement, no? This is a trap, Arthur. And this is our sorcerer. And I suspect she's not overly fond of you." By now Merlin's usually slinky body stood like a wall between the girl and the prince. At his full height and with a surprising amount of ferocity Merlin was intimidating. 

Arthur didn't need Merlin to protect him, but Arthur never put himself above listening to Merlin's advice. Whether he followed it was a different story. But this time Merlin's words rang true. Before anything else Arthur was a knight. A protector of his people, and anyone who wished him harm wished them ill as well. In a second Arthur's gleaming sword was held firmly in his palm and ready for action. The terrified face of the girl contorted into a maniacal scowl and she blasted Merlin back with a harsh grunt. Merlin flew a few feet and crashed into Arthur sending them both skidding on the ground. Leon, Elyan, and Lancelot were off of their horses and running toward them with swords drawn in the blink of an eye. "Gwaine! Percival! Get back here!" Leon barked out the order loud and clear like only a second in command could. Hoof-beats approached with strength as Elyan, Lancelot, and Leon closed in on the woman. Arthur scrambled up sending Merlin a side glance to make sure he was okay as he ran toward the fight. 

Merlin's head throbbed from the hard smack it gave the compact dirt when he fell. His palms were scratched and blood matted his left temple where it had connected with a jagged rock. He disregarded all of this as he hauled himself up after Arthur. His vision blurred as he stumbled closer; sounds of blades swinging through the air and grunts echoing loudly in his head. The young woman was surprisingly skilled at combat, at least enough to evade most of the blades that slashed and thrust towards her. The tips of swords caught her skin causing fine red lines to bloom on her body. Gwaine and Percival approached now still on horseback. Percival swung off of his horse and sprinted toward the fight while Gwaine stayed on his. Using the force of being on the stallion he held on to the saddle and leaned out to take a vicious swing at her ankles. The blade cut deep into her leg crunching into bone and swiping her off her feet. She let out a guttural cry as blood pumped itself out of her body and she looked frantically at the knights that formed a tight perimeter around her as Arthur approached quickly and fearlessly. With a desperate look in her eye she yelled out "Ventus ceded mihi!" Then outstretched her arms up towards the men around her. A rush of wind so strong that it howled ripped through the trees. The wind knocked the knights away and had them rolling along the forest floor; clawing at the dirt to stay in place. The horses spooked quickly and ran to escape the furious winds. Arthur rolled himself towards a tree and pushed his back to it to inch himself upward. 

Merlin fought against the invisible force as the sorceress attempted to stand. There was nothing but hatred in her eyes. "Why do you protect him?" she shouted, the wind carrying the words to Merlin. He provided her no answer and leaned in to the wind as he tried to cut through it. Gold flooded his eyes for a second as he attempted to redirect the flow around him. The use of his magic exacerbated the pain in his head and the blurriness in his eyes; the sharp pang so dizzying he stumbled, but that couldn't matter now when he had to push on. Arthur followed Merlin's example and turned to his side to lean into the wind. He pushed with all his might and began to move towards the sorceress and his idiot of a manservant who thought it a good idea to approach her. "MERLIN STOP!" Arthur shouted at the top of his lungs. It was a mere whisper by the time it reached Merlin, and he wouldn't have listened anyway. 

The sorceress' eyes widened as she saw Merlin begin to move faster towards her. He was strong, and his magic could rival hers. She had a feeling she actually didn't rival his. She was running out of time. No more of this foolishness, she had a job to do and she would die doing it. This was for her kind. Even the boy who trudged toward her, he may have been confused but he didn't deserve to die. She was sure if the king knew what he was he would die a swift death like the one they tried to give her. "I will not be the bane of your prince, boy." She knelt on the ground after failing to stand but kept her chin high. "He will be his own bane. He is rotten inside like his father. The old man is weak and will die soon, we all know it. But Arthur will not die here and now, he is much more evil than he has ever been good," she spat turning to the prince who was now only a couple feet behind Merlin reaching for him, "his evil will over-power his good every time, and in time you will see him for the magic hating monster he can never stop being." 

Merlin wobbled in his place a few feet from her where the wind seemed to do the impossible and become even stronger. "Arthur is everything good and fair," he yelled and shielded his eyes from the force of the wind. She gave him a pitying look before turning her attention to a spot behind his left shoulder. The words started as a low rumble in her chest and shot out with the speed of a striking snake. 

"Revela nunc te, progredere, dualitas, et vince illud quod fortissimus in te est!" Her hands sprang out in front of her and seemed to propel the words forward with a force and speed that had magic crackling in the air. Her magic felt like an angry hive of bees and they stung and stung at Merlin's core. He watched through blurry eyes as the wind seemed to take shape and rocket toward that spot behind him where only Arthur could be standing. Merlin felt his throat grow tighter as a feeling of uselessness spread through him. He was the most powerful warlock to walk the earth or at least he was supposed to be, yet he stood trembling and squinting like the weakest of humans would do. One hit to the head, and opposing force to his magic and the world became fuzzy in a way he couldn't make sense of. 

He knew not the counter spell for the words she had shrieked. He had not the strength or speed to run to Arthur and tackle him. But Merlin was still the one thing that rose above all else in his world: Arthur's friend. With a deep breath he let his magic seep out of his skin and to the world around him. The wind next to him seemed to still and the leaves slowed to a wiggling in mid air. It was the one thing he had been able to do since he was a baby, something that came so naturally to him it felt like no more than walking, and that was a good thing for he wasn't sure he could handle even that at the moment. In what seemed like the blink of an eye the scene the three were in seemed to be happening under water. The energy that had been hurtling towards Arthur leisurely floated through the air, the sorceress' hair flowed around her face which was still stretched in a imitation of a smile, Arthur who stood still and watched with confusion as Merlin seemed to move way too fast. And too fast was definitely the right phrase, because one second Merlin had been standing and watching as Arthur was going to be shot with Gods knew what and the next Merlin was stepping in front of it himself with what seemed to be the last energy he had in his body. 

The spell impacted Merlin square in the chest and time resumed instantaneously. Merlin was heaved backwards and hit the floor like a corpse. "MERLIN!" was ripped from Arthur's throat as he rushed forward. So close! He had been so close, but not enough. Why did Merlin always have to try and die for Arthur?! The sorceress fell onto her back then breathing harshly in a pool of thick blood. "No!" she cried hoarsely. "You're a fool," she spluttered at Merlin's body on the ground. Gwaine and Leon ran up then; scratches on their faces and chain mail full of mud and grass. Gwaine fell to his knees next to Merlin's body and put his head to the boy's chest. His eyebrows knitted together and a deep frown formed on his face. "His heart beat ... I have no idea what that is. I can hear it but it sounds ... like its echoing in his chest?" Gwaine announced with wide eyes and trembling hands. 

Arthur who had been shocked into inaction at the sight of Merlin came back to life then. In a robotic manner he stood and went to tower over the sorceress. "What did you do to Merlin?" He demanded with a voice as cold as ice. A broken chuckle rolled off her lips and she closed her eyes on the verge of unconsciousness. A sharp sword dug in between her ribs and her eyes peeled open again. "I will tell you if you promise me a swift death," she croaked. Arthur gave her a single nod. "He has been split. His dual nature will be revealed. Only one of him can win. If I were you I'd pray. I saw his eyes ... what he's capable of. You don't know it yet, but you will. If he isn't good Arthu-" she coughed fitfully then and panted for breath, "If he isn't good and his evil wins, you and your sword won't stand a chance. There is nothing you could do to change this. It will only end when he defeats himself." Arthur sneered then and speared her with his blade, the steel puncturing her heart expertly and leaving her in death with open eyes and a sweaty brow.


	2. A Prat of a Servant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giaus checks out Merlin and Arthur learns a lot more about his friend. Merlin's also being a complete dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I keep writing semi-long chapters when I try to write simple things so I'm sorry.  
> (Merlin's speech becomes pretty informal sometimes in these next few chapters and that's because I think even though he lived in the middle ages where everyone spoke with some flourish he wasn't of nobility so if he was putting little effort into behaving correctly he'd speak quite commonly and maybe even purposely plainly to show disrespect?)

Arthur was known for acting quickly whenever one of his knights was hurt in battle, and although Merlin was not a knight he was certainly not the exception. If anything the urgency was increased solely because it was Merlin. 

Leon, Elyan, and Lancelot were gruffly ordered to find the horses at once and retrieve them while Arthur and Gwaine looked over Merlin. Things seemed to be taking an unsettling turn and none of the knights knew how to deal with it. Although Merlin was becoming more responsive he fidgeted like he was in pain and strange sounds came from his mouth. It sounded almost like many voice speaking the same words whenever Merlin attempted to communicate. 

"A-Arthur," Merlin moaned in an echoey voice. Arthur leaned in closer and set Merlin's head on his lap. His hair was damp with sweat and his breathing was extravagantly harsh. "Something's wrong ... something is happening. You have to get away," he breathed out brokenly. Merlin knew Arthur wouldn't listen, but he had to try. Merlin felt as if his insides were pulling apart. Every small fiber of him yanking against the other. 

"Ah-AAH! GET AWAY! NOW! _NOW_!" Merlin yelled in his chorus of voices. Golden light seemed to start shooting out of his every pore that instant. It started as a poignant glow only to start expanding further and further until Merlin looked like the sun itself. Ragged screams tore through Merlin's throat and he arched and squirmed wildly. Gwaine grabbed hold of Arthur's arms and dragged him away from the burning fire of light Merlin had turned into. Arthur struggled against his friend to get back to Merlin but he seemed to lack all strength as he watched. Merlin's form was now completely hidden by the luminescence surrounding him. The chorus of voices seemed to diminish one by one until finally it was only two distinct screams and then no sound at all. The light extinguished itself with one last blinding explosion that left black and white dots floating in Gwaine and Arthur's vision. 

The knight's blindly scrambled towards Merlin only to see two bodies lying in a heap. Unresponsive. Arthur blinked away the blurriness and dragged one body off the other. Two Merlin's lay side by side then, each an exact replica of the other, each dead to the world. Sounds of running horses approached and Arthur and Gwaine found themselves lifting one Merlin each. 

Not all the horses had been found but 4 would do the trick. Lancelot and Elyan rode one horse, Leon and Percival rode the next (unlucky) horse, Gwaine and his Merlin rode together, and Arthur lead the group with his own Merlin in front of him leaning precariously. Arthur wouldn't have let go of Merlin for any reason in the world. 

\----------------------------------

A few hours later found a very anxious prince pacing outside of the physician's quarters. Giaus and Arthur had had a very interesting conversation indeed after Giaus examined the two Merlin's and deemed them to be healthy. Arthur had hurriedly explained to the physician everything the sorceress had told him and Giaus had grown paler and paler by the second. Arthur also didn't spare the old man and told him about the strange warp in time where Merlin had jumped in front of the spell for him. It didn't take long for Giaus to make a decision on whether he should tell Arthur the truth, and really he only had the one option. 

As far as Giaus figured, if what Arthur told him was the truth then Merlin had been hit with a strange type of transmutation spell. It changed Merlin's state from cohabitation of all his positive and negative traits within his body into two distinct beings with all of one or the other. This posed a great inconvenience seeing as Merlin was no ordinary man. If Arthur had been hit with the spell they could tie him down until they found the antidote, but containing someone as powerful as Merlin would require much more extreme measures. How could he explain that? Besides Merlin's magic made it so almost everything affected the boy differently, Giaus didn't even treat Merlin's cold's the same. There was no telling how Merlin would wake up, and Gauis knew he couldn't do it all on his own. 

So he told Arthur. All of it. Well almost all of it. There were a few things he knew Merlin and Arthur had to figure out for themselves. But now Arthur knew Merlin was a warlock; born with magic and able to control it since infancy. He knew of so many times he saved the kingdom without a peep. But most importantly he knew Merlin wasn't an evil sorcerer. Arthur had been shocked to the point of storming out of the room a few times during their talk, but every time he returned and continued with questions and tense listening. Arthur didn't say much about what he thought or felt, only absorbed all the information Giaus offered to him. Giaus had been terrified to tell the prince, but as he spoke the fear melted away. He could see in Arthur that there was no malice toward Merlin. There was apprehension of course, and definitely anger, but at Giaus' plea that Arthur not hurt Merlin the prince had recoiled as if struck in the face. The mere thought of it was astonishing. Of course he wouldn't kill Merlin for being born different. Although he might kill him for being a liar once he woke up ... once _they_ woke up? 

Arthur repeated the afternoon's events and conversation in his head over and over again as he paced in Giaus' hall. It appeared to be that Merlin was the resident expert when it came to magical mishaps, so how would he be the one to help Merlin when he knew nothing of it!? He also couldn't imagine a bad Merlin no matter how much he tried. How could Merlin have any evil in him? Just this dawn he had risked his life for the millionth time to save Arthur without so much as a complaint, how could someone harbor evil in them when they would sacrifice it all for others? 

The old wooden door creaking open snapped Arthur out of his spiral of thoughts and to the physician's face. "What is it, Giaus?" Arthur asked lowly. "One of them has woken up sire ... but be weary we do not yet know which is which or what could happen," Giaus warned. The caution sent a chill down Arthur's spine but he ignored it in favor of squeezing past Giaus and into the crowded room. The Merlins laid next to each other on parallel cots towards the right of the work room. One of them sat up looking dazed but otherwise fine. He stared at his clone with wide eyes and a slightly terrified face. _AHEM_ Arthur cleared his throat and stepped closer to Merlin. Merlin's head whipped toward Arthur and a flush erupted over his face and neck. 

"Oh ... Hello, sire! About the whole magic fiasco I promise I was going to tell you," he offered with a weak smile that resembled more of a grimace. 

"Disregarding the fact that that is the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard in my lifetime," Arthur grumbled trying to keep cool, "how would I know if you're the good Merlin or the bad Merlin? You could be lying." 

"Well...honestly I don't feel too different from normal, sire. Perhaps I'm just always an angel anyway?" Merlin joked. Arthur was in no joking mood. 

"That sorceress, she said there would be no cure to what she did and that this could only end with one of you winning. But Giaus tells me you've managed to save me from more than a few unsavable things before, so I'm ordering you to do the same for yourself. None of this "I want to be a hero so I'm sacrificing myself" nonsense anymore, do you understand me?" 

"Yes, sire," Merlin replied with a beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. There was no way that was the bad Merlin. Arthur's heart lurched in his chest and he smiled back at Merlin. Maybe their difference's wouldn't ruin their friendship after all? 

"Could you lovebirds shut up?" called a voice from next to the two. It was the other Merlin who laid there with an annoyed look on his face. "Seriously, I was just attacked in the forest by a crazy witch, you'd think you'd get a little quiet around here." 

Arthur and Merlin gaped at the other Merlin who had finished speaking. He wasn't necessarily evil, maybe just a little impolite. _If this is as bad as it get's I think I could deal with it_ Arthur thought. 

"Giaus says you're completely fine, so stop whining Merlin," Arthur replied trying to not show just how disconcerted he was. Merlin didn't reply this time only sent Arthur a glare he had never seen before. It wasn't scary, but it held a bit more bite than the ones Merlin tended to send his way. 

Giaus chimed in then, speaking to both Merlin's at the same time. "Do you remember the exact incantation used? If we have the spell we can start to look for a way to break it." 

Ancient words rolled easily off the tongue of the Merlin Arthur had now dubbed Prat Merlin. He stood up from his cot then whining about how stiff it was. The Merlin Arthur had taken to calling Angel Merlin (but only in his head) looked upset but said nothing. 

"Giaus ..." Angel Merlin spoke looking wearily at Arthur for a second before looking at Giaus again, "I think the spell hasn't worked quite correctly. Although I'm not feeling any evil leanings I also don't feel single mindedly good, whatever that means, and I can still feel my magic connecting me to the other me." 

Prat Merlin snorted, "Duh. Our magic always makes everything take longer and heal quicker. Wanna say anything else obvious while we're at it? I propose we're working on a time limit here. We're already in two bodies, but our minds and emotions have not completely separated. That is always a tricky thing to do using magic. As time passes we will only grow more and more parallel to one another so before I lose my mind and goody two shoes over there tries to become some sort of martyr we need to fix this." 

Everyone in the room sat staring at Merlin. He spoke with a confidence Merlin never displayed and aside from the slightly rude way in which he delivered the information he seemed to make sense. Giaus and the two Merlin's turned to look at Arthur with matching expressions of 'get out of here we have work to do' which was more than creepy in all honesty. Arthur gladly exited the room. He wasn't sure he could deal with two Merlin's and all this talk of magic was hard to get used to. 

It didn't take long for problems to arise however. Prat Merlin wasn't really a menace yet, but it was clear his mind was quickly drifting from nice things. It started with his generally irritable demeanor and quickly turned into a boredom that manifested in cracking rude jokes and touching things he shouldn't. He quickly lost his interest in assisting the find for a cure and whined about his own state of mild inconvenience. No longer was he a help to good Merlin and Giaus but a hindrance instead. "You know, I think it would be wiser if you went to Arthur. I fear you're becoming more ... difficult and we cannot focus like this, we haven't time to waste." Good Merlin put down his vial filled with a stinky root mixture and stared at prat Merlin. Merlin didn't seem bothered by the request, and acquiesced surprisingly easy. It was boring in the physician's chambers anyway, and Arthur always had a way that could entertain Merlin. 

He left the room and walked across the courtyard like he owned the castle itself. His strange demeanor drew the attention of the townsfolk as they passed by. Was Merlin looking better these days? Gwaine saw the small disturbances and smiled greatly when he saw it was Merlin. He looked so much better! Was he all healed? Gwaine ran up from the field and called Merlin's name. 

"Gwaine! Fancy meeting you here," Merlin said with a cheeky smile. 

"Mate, what happened? Are you feeling alright?" Gwaine questioned. 

"Quite alright, thank you. And nothing of significance honestly. The sum of it all being the witch who attacked us in the woods split me in two and the other Merlin is working with Giaus on finding a cure. They kicked me out, I have no idea why really." Merlin looked away with a dramatic sigh. Gwaine's head spun with information but he was known to be a pretty easy going person, so he went with the flow of nonchalance. 

"You could come to the tavern with me if you'd like? Have a drink to celebrate your miraculous recovery." Gwaine bumped Merlin's shoulder with his own. 

"You're always trying to get me drunk, do you have any unsavory intentions sir Knight?" 

"Always," Gwaine replied with a chuckle. He always liked it when Merlin stumbled out an answer when Gwaine flirted with him, but this cheeky reply was even better. Merlin laughed too and touched Gwaine's arm. 

"It'll have to be another time my friend, I'm afraid I've been ordered to go with Arthur," Merlin said scowling. This sent Gwaine into another fit of laughter. If Gwaine didn't know any better he would've thought the scowl was real, but Merlin was nice so he didn't scowl. Merlin's lips formed a self-satisfied smirk and with one last shared look he was off. 

Getting into Arthur's chambers had never been difficult for the prince's servant and being that the guards posted at the door knew nothing of said servant being currently "evil" they let him in without so much as blinking. Arthur was at his writing desk pouring over some boring treaty most likely. He seemed to be lost in thought because the usually vigilant man took no notice of Merlin walking in. This pleased Merlin greatly who used magic to muffle the sounds of his footsteps and sneak over to Arthur. The prince put down the parchment he had been holding and scrunched his eyes closed tightly while digging the palms of his hands into his eye sockets, he made a tired sound as he kneaded his eyes. Merlin use the opportunity to seamlessly walk behind Arthur's chair. Placing his large hands on Arthur's shoulders and grasping harshly he yelled out, "need a relaxing massage, sire?" To say that Arthur was surprised would be an understatement. He jumped out of his chair with confused look on his face that sent Merlin into hysterics. 

"Gods, how did you managed to become a knight when you're afraid of massages?" Merlin teased wiping at fake tears in his eyes. 

"Merlin, what the hell do you think you're doing!" 

"Oh relax, sire," Merlin said while taking a seat in the chair Arthur had unwillingly vacated, "Giaus and angel boy sent me up here, said I was being difficult or something. They seem to be under the impression you could stop me if I get out of hand." Merlin picked at his nails uninterestedly. 

"Well it can't be that hard to stop a scrawny boy like you." 

"You wouldn't stand a chance against me." 

"Pfft- a malnourished child could take you down, Merlin." 

Merlin sent Arthur a scathing look but quickly forgot all about the prince as he took to digging through Arthur's desk. "You know I always wonder what you keep locked up in here." Merlin opened drawers and began to rifle through papers and small knick-knacks. Arthur was a sentimental gift keeper? How adorable. With a flash of gold in his eyes locked drawers at the bottom of the desk began to pop open and their contents to spill out. 

"Merlin! That is private business, and secrets of the kingdom that are none of your concern!" Arthur hurriedly shut the drawers and yanked Merlin up by his tunic. He dragged Merlin over to a chair at his dinner table and manhandled the servant into the seat. Instead of his usual grumbling at being treated roughly Merlin seemed to be only amused. "Don't want me to read your diary?"

"If you can't seem to behave yourself and insist on acting like a nosy child I'll have no choice but to restrain you." Arthur looked around his chambers only to find nothing to tie Merlin up with. 

"Wow, what a stern talking to. I'm intimidated beyond belief." Merlin sat back in the chair looking unimpressed. Arthur was trying to stay calm but this version of Merlin wasn't as fun to be around as normal Merlin. He still quipped back and forth with Arthur, but a warmth that Arthur hadn't realized was there before seemed to be lacking in Merlin's actions. It looked like Merlin, sounded like Merlin, but it didn't feel like Merlin. Something about the subtle difference really put Arthur on edge. "Well if you want to be an arse, we can play that game too," Arthur said making a decision. His hands flew to his belt and began undoing the metal clasp. At the sight Merlin sat up with his eyebrow's rising. 

"Oooh finally this is getting interesting," Merlin replied sending Arthur a look that he refused to analyze. He slipped the leather out of its loops and went around to the back of Merlin's chair. He yanked on the man's arms and brought them around to the back of the chair with minimal resistance, which Arthur attributed to Merlin being about as thin as a string bean. He wrapped the belt around Merlin's forearms twice and then pulled it tightly through the buckle. When Arthur could pull no more he punctured the leather with the metal prong and admired his handy-work. Merlin's arms were pulled tightly around the chair and he seemed to have no mobility in his upper half. It almost seemed too uncomfortable, but just as Arthur was beginning to feel guilty there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he called. 

A head of raven hair popped around the door and bright blue eyes peered in. "Hello, Arthur ... Merlin," Merlin said stepping into the room. Arthur didn't even bother to comment on how weird it was for Merlin to be knocking on the door, that was hardly the craziest thing that had happened today. 

"Merlin! Please come on, sit down." Arthur gestured to a chair next to his dopple-ganger. He was desperate for company other than this prattish version of his friend and it showed. Merlin only smiled sweetly and sat down with questioning eyes when he saw other Merlin was tied up. 

"I just wanted to update you, sire." Merlin spoke in a calming voice, trying to soothe Arthur's obvious unease. It worked at least a little. "We've asserted that the sorceress was indeed using a transmutation spell to separate you and consequently crumble the kingdom. However, these kinds of spells are always difficult to perform and are time consuming. The normal person tends to take at least 48 hours before complete separation occurs, and once that happens there is no going back. Me and ... Merlin over here are still connected as we know but me and Giaus seem to think it's only due to our magic being so strong. Given from the effects we saw when me and the other me were together and apart, it seems we react to emotional stimuli that can push us further in opposite directions so we have to stay calm," Merlin said staring squarely into the eyes of the other him. 

Evil Merlin leaned back easily with a look on his face that could make you believe it was his choice to be tied up. "Of course, honey. I'm great at following directions," he answered sickeningly sweet looking at his reflection. Good Merlin sat a little stiffly with a look of concern pointed at his supposed opposite. 

Evil Merlin's arms slid out from behind his back casually and a smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. 

"Wha- MERLIN!" How did you do that?" Arthur growled out as he hurried over to secure Merlin more firmly. He did just that and returned to their fronts huffing curses. 

"There's no point in tying me up Arthur ... unless you're into that sort of thing," Merlin said in a voice like silk. A blush threatened to creep onto Arthur's face as Merlin watched him through half lidded eyes and let his thighs fall open just a fraction. 

"For the sake of the Gods STOP IT!" Merlin chastised himself while blushing furiously. Evil Merlin just let out a brilliant laugh that spoke volumes about how unintimidated he was. 

"Oh I'm sorry is the little virgin embarrassed?" Evil Merlin taunted and snickered more as Merlin became visibly more uncomfortable. Completely ignoring the question he turned to Arthur and announced he had to get back to helping Giaus. 

Merlin walked with purpose toward the door shooting Arthur a look of apology as he made to leave. He wasn't sure he could sit around any longer and watch himself shamelessly flirt with Arthur. It just wasn't right to take advantage of his friend's good will like that. Merlin would find a fix for this mess and the apologize to Arthur correctly, and with that thought he stepped out into the hall and set himself on a quest for the solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already written the next chapter and stuff gets MOVIN' then so don't fret too much.


	3. Merlin's Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Giaus and Good Merlin seek the antidote Arthur is stuck with Evil Merlin who gets worse by the second. Arthur's not sure how he's going to help Merlin out of this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh yikes things are really heating up. I hope I know what I'm doing. Hope you enjoy :) thanks to everyone who commented and left kudos, you gave me the little boost I so needed to continue this story!
> 
> Love y'all and please don't get tired of waiting I promise I'm sticking with this one.

The heavy chamber doors closed after Merlin and Arthur had no idea if he was relieved or scared. Now he didn't have to suffer Merlin's taunting in front of the other Merlin, but he wasn't sure how much more of it he could deal with on his own. Merlin stood up then and lazily walked to the crackling fire. Brilliant shapes began to float in the ember sparks above the flame. It was hypnotizing how Merlin wielded the fire to his every whim with only a look of brilliant golden eyes. Arthur had seen many sorcerer's eyes turn gold as they cursed him to die every other day but Merlin's eyes were so different. The gold was like a melted bar swirling within his irises. "Merlin, please," Arthur said weakly. It was beautiful but the sight of his manservant using it so obviously felt like sacrilege. He couldn't afford to be mad or hurt by Merlin's secret right now, but the careless use of it right in front of him was like digging a finger into a knife wound. "Or what?" Merlin called back without bothering to glance at the prince, "you'll burn me at the stake?" Merlin said in mock fear. Arthur did not speak but shook his head no. He could never hurt Merlin. Even this version of him that seemed to corrupt further every second. 

His response seemed to stir something in the carefree servant for the first time. The cynical smile that had rested on his lips slipped then. He walked across the room to Arthur and stood in front of him. "I ..." he said looking at the floor, "I don't mean to sound so crass. I can't help it, but I'm trying to not slip further. I'm fighting harder than you know." The admittance and borderline apology seemed to put an incredible strain on Merlin as he said them. It was like somewhere inside he might have meant it, but the majority of him resented it. The majority of him felt he had every right to do as he pleased and hurt anyone who had hurt him. 

"Guess what!" Merlin leaned in until his face was a few inches from Arthur's, much like a child who knew nothing of boundaries, "I'm terribly bored! All you do is sulk and sit in your overly decorated room." 

"I absolutely do not! I am the prince Merlin, I have a very busy schedule." Arthur crossed his arms and stared Merlin down. Merlin smiled brilliantly then but there was no warmth in his eyes. 

"I follow you around like a dog day in and day out, I know everything about your "busy schedule" but if you ask me half the stuff is just pretentious nobles trying to show off." Merlin turned on his heel and walked a few step before jumping onto the royal bed. His dirty boots littered the covers with dirt as he wiggled himself into a comfortable position on his back. 

"Merlin I know you're not yourself right now but I'm going to give you three seconds to get off my bed or you'll regret it." Merlin snorted then and leisurely put his hands behind his head. "Try me, pretty boy," he said with an amused glint in his eye. Arthur took a deep breath and fought off the heat rising to his face. He couldn't let Merlin get under his skin every three seconds, he needed to be cool headed and keep Merlin in tact so they could fix the idiot. Arthur reached for his sword and lifted an eyebrow in a warning that tended to calm even the most bullheaded of his knights. Merlin only seemed to enjoy the gesture and smirked a little. Suddenly Arthur's sword was slipping out of its place and Arthur's hand into the air. Unthinkingly Arthur tried to hold onto it only to feel the sharp edges cut into the fleshy part of his palm like butter. He released it then and watched as it came to rest softly on the bed next to Merlin's body. 

Arthur glared daggers at Merlin as he showcased the paper thin cut that started to sprout very small beads of blood. It didn't really hurt, but normal Merlin would never do something that might hurt Arthur even by accident. When Merlin didn't seem to turn into a bumbling mess of apologies running around trying to fix his mistake like usual Arthur stomped over to the side of the bed Merlin laid on. "You cut my hand you useless dollop-head," Arthur said thrusting his hand closer to Merlin's face demanding some semblance of guilt from the man who seemed far too unbothered about hurting him. "Oh, I'm sorry sire! Would you like me to clean it up?" Merlin asked sitting up against the pillows and reaching for Arthur's hand. Arthur began to scoff at Merlin to catch up when suddenly the man leaned forward and let his tongue slide across Arthur's palm. His breath hitched as a hot tongue rested on the wound and slowly moved back and forth across it. His eyes grew wide as Merlin's plump lips followed his tongue across his palm and seemed to suck on the cut. It stung uncomfortably and yet it sent a heat through his entire body at the same time. As heat pooled in his lower belly Merlin suckled on his palm only to bare his teeth after a few seconds and bite hard. Arthur yanked his hand away with a hiss and tried to reprimand Merlin with a voice too breathy to be taken seriously. 

"Oh come now, sire! Don't pretend like you didn't like it. I always knew you were a bit freaky in bed, Arthur. And please don't look so shocked it's not like the entire castle doesn't see how the maids walk around after they "service" you or whatever you choose to call it." Merlin finished staring at Arthur hungrily. It was a type of hunger that frightened Arthur. On one hand he wanted nothing more than to ravish this uninhibited version of Merlin that seemed to lack all shame, but on the other it seemed like the type of hunger a predator has for prey. The look in Merlin's eye told a story that finished with Merlin picking his teeth with Arthur's bones like all those fairy-tales of a big bad wolf his nannies used to read him as a young boy. 

"I know what you're doing Merlin and it's not going to work. Merlin would never act like this and I won't betray the trust of a friend by giving in to your taunting when only half of his mind is here to make a decision." Arthur walked to his desk quickly without looking up at Merlin who bore holes into his head with his stare. Merlin growled like a feral animal from the bed and hopped off. He barged toward the door like an angry bull. 

"Whoa whoa whoa, where do you think you're going?" Arthur called from his desk as he began jogging to the door before Merlin could reach it. 

"I'm getting out of here, I can't stay cooped up here another second with your honorable man act. Do you deny me because you're good or because you're a coward?" Merlin spat and continued without letting Arthur respond. "You dance around your want of me every single day, I can see it. And if I didn't know it then I know it now. It's so clear. But you could never let yourself be seen with the likes of me, could you? Don't pretend like you do any of it for me. You do it because you can't admit that you've laid your eyes on another man. You can't admit that you like a peasant. You won't let yourself believe you could stand a filthy sorcerer like me!" 

"Enough Merlin!" Arthur shouted. "I deny you because this is not who you are! You're good and kind and you stutter when someone flirts with you! Whatever this is it's all wrong! You don't know what you're saying and once we fix all of this you'll forget all about this nonsense." 

"This IS who I am! This is me Arthur!" He smacked his chest and gestured grandiosely as he shouted back at Arthur. "I'm human and I'm not good or kind or shy. I'm not a foolish half of Merlin who is out of control, I am all he should be! He sits around and hangs on your every word and turns a blind eye when you do unjust things. He protects you from anything and anyone and then sits back as you call him an idiot. But I am not an idiot Arthur Pendragon. I am Emrys. I am powerful beyond anything your little brain could comprehend." Spittle flew from Merlin's mouth as he shouted in a crazed manner. Arthur could tell his getting worked up was only quickening the effects of the spell but he didn't know how to calm this volatile version of his friend. 

"I admit..." Arthur relented, "You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I know what you're saying comes from a place of truth. But just try to take a deep breath. Your anger is only causing you to devolve faster, Merlin. Please. We can talk about all of this when we find the cure, okay?" 

Merlin breathed harshly and his jaw clenched and unclenched as he listened to Arthur but he seemed to be trying his best to bite his tongue and calm down. "I don't want to see your face anymore. I can't. I'm leaving whether you like it or not." A metal pitcher flew across the room then crashing into Arthur's skull with a loud bang. Arthur fell to the ground slipping into the comfortable embrace of unconsciousness as he looked up a Merlin. "I'll try to stay calm, I promise." Merlin whispered as he watched Arthur's head lull to the side. 

Leaving the room with one last glance at Arthur's body on the ground he decided he felt a little better. He was tired of all this being good stuff. If he was going to be forced to fight his only base instincts he sure as hell wasn't going to keep doing it at the command of the one person who brought him the most turmoil in his life. Admittedly it wasn't all Arthur's fault seeing as he didn't know he did most of it, and yet Merlin couldn't bring himself to give a single damn about it. He smiled charmingly at the maids that passed around him like busy bees and decided he wanted to go into town. People around here really seemed to like him. They trusted him because he helped them with small things here and there all the while wearing a bright smile on his face. They were quite stupid really. You should never trust anyone. 

He walked through the crowd only to be rudely bumped into by a chubby middle aged man. "Watch where you're going, boy," called out the snooty looking man. "Watch who you're speaking to, pig," Merlin called back earning him a few shocked glances from the locals that knew him. 

"What did you just call me you ruddy peasant?" The man said turning around to approach Merlin. 

"I called you," Merlin answered with a nasty sneer on his lips,"A pig. But truly that was my mistake. What I meant to say was: You're a sad little man who thinks it's okay to push people around just because he has a few more gold coins. Usually I would apologize and hurry on with my head down, but today you've gotten the misfortune of meeting me in a bad mood. Now as my last attempt at being civil before I quite frankly beat you into a pulp without so much as moving a finger, I suggest you turn around and walk away or so help me Gods I will take your grimy gold coins and shove them so far up your arse you'll be a human piggy bank." The look in Merlin's eye was blank and his body radiated a kind of icyness that frightened the entitled man into a shell of the brawler he pretended to be a few seconds ago. "Actually, now that I think about it that seems quite fun." Merlin said moving closer, "I think it would be a good laugh, don't you? Maybe even the children get a good giggle out of it. They can save up their allowances in you," Merlin chuckled lowly. By now a small circle of people had gathered around the two. No one understood how Merlin could be acting like this, while they knew he always stood up to bullies this was much too far. The usually harmless looking boy taking on a whole new persona that was quite honestly terrifying, especially since he didn't seem to be bluffing. Luckily they didn't need to find out for the man who was now red in the face turned quickly and walked off in a daze without so much as a backwards glance at Merlin. 

_Are people always this bloody annoying?_ Merlin asked himself as he continued his walk. The bustle and hustle of the lower town was no longer awe inspiring to the once country boy; it was loud, dirty, and filled with citizens who called to him for favors. Suddenly the thought of staying there for a single second more turned his stomach. He felt he could not breathe with so many people around him. They all smiled and waved at him like they didn't kill his kin. They greeted him like they didn't stand around the pyre of another human and watched them burn without mercy. Hypocrites. All of them were hypocrites. They would see him burn too. If only they knew how his magic bubbled under his skin. He was overflowing with it and he refused to stay here with all these ignorant fools. With quick steps he made his way to the gates of the city and to the forest that called to him always. There he could be himself. In there where every tree and blade of grass vibrated with magic. 

\---------------------------------

Arthur came crashing into Giaus' chambers almost making the old man spill a flask of bright purple liquid. 

"Sire, I must ask you to refrain from making such entrances if you ever want to get an antidote to Merlin's problem," Giaus said in a mild tone that chastised much harder than shouting. Arthur however had no time to feel shame right now so he spoke without acknowledging Giaus' statement. 

"Merlin is too far gone Giaus! He was trying to stay calm but he got really worked up and we had a bit of an argument. He knocked me unconscious and ran away! I have no clue how to find him and I'm not sure we even have the time for it. Oh - you should've seen him Giaus! He was yelling such terrible things and I couldn't get through to him. It might be too late already!" 

"Arthur, please sit," Giaus said ushering Arthur toward the cot and forcing him down with surprising strength. "We cannot panic now, sire. Merlin is counting on us. You are Merlin's very best friend, you know him better than my boy knows himself sometimes. I've sent Merlin on the search for some books that might give us more insight into transmutation spells. You must leave to find the other half of him before he returns. The emotional stress of it all may push Merlin to separate even further from his evil side and make things worse. Think, Arthur. Where would Merlin go to get away from everything?" 

And really Arthur didn't need to think very hard. With a calmer mind it was almost too obvious where Merlin would be. Flashes of Merlin in the forest came to Arthur; Merlin staring up at the tall trees, Merlin laughing with crescent shaped eyes among flowers, Merlin giddily pointing to peculiar insects he saw on their treks together into the woods. At once Arthur stood up and ran toward the door yelling out a thanks to Giaus. He needed to move fast if he was ever going to find Merlin, if he managed to get deeper into the woods finding him would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

\------------------------------------

As soon as Merlin was deep enough into the forest that the sounds of the city were a faint hum he felt all the tension in his body release. He had felt himself slipping further and further into his bad desires. He grew unempathetic and arrogant. He didn't want to be, he could still feel a connection with the other half of him. There was still a voice in his head that told him to be kind, to keep fighting. However, that voice sounded far away and the inky black clutches of all his evil tendencies were delicious to give into. It felt so good to not care; to go about life living selfishly and throwing caution to the wind. In this body there was no destiny. In this body the love for Arthur that suffocated him was nothing but a niggling and growing smaller by the second. Here he could think about Merlin, and it felt so right. So that's just what he did. 

He strutted down a worn path he had taken many times. The trees here were a vibrant green and bushes full of berries seemed to be everywhere he looked. Minuscule yellow and purple flowers sprouted in saturated clumps all over the grass and provided a little feast for bumble bees that whizzed by. He always loved this path, and in this moment it felt the most beautiful he'd ever seen it. He let the forests magic rub against his own in a comforting caress. It soothed his magic that was usually suppressed so tightly it almost ached. It felt like holding your breath until your lungs started to burn, until they began to lurch in your chest fighting for oxygen you refused to give them. The pleasing sensation coaxed him into further apathy. With a lazy smile on his face he let his magic spill out of him like waters running rampant off a waterfall. The forest around him drank the magic thirstily and responded with vigor. Flowers that never sprouted seemed to be unlocked and push out from under the earth to stand tall in a matter of seconds. They grew in imperious patterns with striking colors. Some stayed low to the ground and spread their petals wide. Others rose higher and higher until they passed the warlocks head. He watched with delight as the forest took and gave back. The grass grew lush and soft; the aromas of the new wild flowers and healthy earth mixing in an intoxicating cocktail. Birds began to land on thick stems that branched of into silky green leaves on the flowers. His own forest of flowers.

They gathered on the multicolored flowers as if they were small trees. They chirped and sang beautifully as they watched their friends the hummingbirds gorging themselves. Rabbits leaped from one bushel of berries to the next and hid under the shade of the silky flowers low to the ground. Drunken with happiness and power Merlin giggled to himself and let his body fall backwards where he made a tree sprout from the ground. Its branches weaved together like snakes into the shape of a throne. The bark was unnaturally smooth and a white grey color that stood out among the vibrant plants surrounding Merlin. The throne grew and grew contorting itself around Merlin's body to make the perfect seat only for him. It's leaves grew thickly at the top forming a canopy that shaded Merlin's fair skin. Merlin sound proofed his little haven and refused to hear anything other than the birds singing their praise to him. The thought came to Merlin then. If anyone tried to take this feeling from him ever again he would surly slaughter them with nothing more than a flick of his wrist. This was his right; to live as happily as anyone else would. Why shouldn't he take the things that were rightfully his? 

\------------------------------

Arthur rode at the front of the group with Percival and Gwaine directly behind him, Elyan and Lancelot next, and Leon at rear of their group. The hooves of the horses thundered across the forest floor. No one said a word but the tension in the air was strong. No one knew what kind of Merlin they would be approaching, at least he hadn't been hard to find. Arthur chose one of Merlin's favorite spots to "girl" out over whenever they went hunting. Although Merlin was not visible a small paradise seemed to have popped into existence much farther down the path. Flowers of all shapes, colors, and sizes stood together. Some stood taller than two men standing on top of one another, while others seemed to aid the grass in carpeting the forest floor. Their petals meshed together and their leaves swayed in the cool breeze that seemed to exist only there. Birds flocked to the place but eerily enough seemed to make no sound once they landed in the paradise. In fact their was no sound at all coming from the place. It was rather creepy. But Merlin couldn't possibly be more evil if all he did with his magic was make flowers, right? 

Arthur steeled himself and called out to the knights to ready themselves. Their horses crashed through the small barrier of flowers that stood in front of them. In the far distance a lithe figure stretched itself on what looked like a throne. The smell of nature overwhelmed Arthur's senses as he took in all the birds and their colored feathers zipping from one plant to the next. Foreign looking fruits grew in heavy clumps from surrounding trees and Merlin picked at them popping a bite of this and that into his mouth as he sauntered over to the knights like he hadn't a care in the world. 

"Evening, gentlemen," He said bestowing them with a mocking bow, "I believe you've crushed all my beautiful flowers." Arthur could speak no words at the sight of Merlin. He looked immensely at home here, a golden hue surrounding his body. He no longer looked like a man; he looked a part of nature itself. He was above everything and anyone else, and he was horrifying in his beauty. No human love lingered on his face and even though he talked to them upon horseback from the ground he somehow managed to look down at them. 

"Merlin, mate." Gwaine nudged his horse forward toward the boy. "Let us help you." 

"Gwaine, dear Gwaine. You are the only one with courage enough to speak to a disgrace like me, huh? For this I will grant you the courtesy of a few seconds to escape before I kill you." Merlin rolled his neck as if readying for a war. "And Lancelot too. You did not hate me for being myself, and you never betrayed me. As for the rest of you, if you think you came here to kill the sorcerer I must warn you I will not go down. You're despicable and I will not grant you a quick death ... you don't deserve it." 

Girthy vines sprung out of the ground then and curled around the horses and their respective knights. The grotesque plants squeezed tight like the tentacles of a sea monster and cemented the knights into place. Only one horse and one knight remained untrapped. Sky blue eyes that had become glued to the ground shot up, gleaming golden hair catching the sunlight, they stared deep into sapphire blue ones. 

"But first," Merlin said walking forward to pet Arthur's horse, "Lets us have a talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry? Hopefully next chapter fixes this big ol' mess I've made ... now I just need to figure out how to do that lol.  
> I think there will be like one or two more chapters!


	4. A Race Between Good and Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin gets closer to finding the cure and the knights finally confront Merlin in the forest from the last chapter.

Arthur slid off his horse and landed with a soft thud on the flowery forest floor. Merlin paid little attention to his movements and continued with his ministrations to the horse. The animal seemed to know Merlin and push into his hands as he pet its head. Arthur nervously looked back at his knights who continued to struggle against the vines wrapped around them with no success. It was chilling to see his manservant take them on with so little effort or concern. 

"Whatever you wanted to say or do it's between me and you Merlin. No one else, let them go." Arthur walked past Merlin to stand behind him to make Merlin turn away from the incapacitated knights. It worked and the sorcerer turned to face Arthur with his undivided attention. It was suffocating. 

"They're just as guilty as you, Arthur. Silence is still complicity. Inaction is still complicity. They have killed so many of my brothers and sisters directly and indirectly that saying this has nothing to do with them would be a lie. Everyone in Camelot is guilty. Including me, but no more. The sorceress in the forest was right when she said you would never be able to change, and I'm done waiting." Up until now Merlin had been mocking, rude, and angry but as he spoke now something completely different radiated from him. There was finality in his tone, and nothing would be moving him. 

"But people do change, Merlin. I could chang-"

"NO!" Merlin yelled as he raised a pointed finger toward Arthur, "don't you dare lie to me. Don't you dare open your mouth to tell me all the things I want to hear. You forget who you're speaking to. I have spent every waking moment with you for years upon years and I know you like no one else. I know you inside out Arthur and you hate magic just as much as Uther, you've certainly told me so enough times." Merlin walked closer to Arthur until he was almost touching him, "how many executions have you watched? How many have you ordered?" His voice finishing with a whisper.

Guilt clouded Arthur's face as he spoke. Merlin wasn't wrong about anything. Arthur had ordered and watched many executions of those accused of sorcery, and up until that morning he hadn't let himself dare question whether what his father was doing was just. Yet there had always been doubts that had risen no matter how much he stamped them down, and Merlin was all the proof he needed when it came to his questions about magic. 

"Your silence condemns you Arthur." Merlin spoke regally like his father decreeing a death sentence to a sorcerer. "But don't fret, I'm sure I'll find a suitable punishment for you," Merlin almost purred at Arthur. A warmth enveloped the prince's throat then and it seemed to squeeze and grow hotter by the second. The force of it began to lift him up on his tip-toes. Arthur's eyes widened with shock and his breathing came in wheezes as he tried not to panic. If he panicked now, he'd no doubt choke to death. 

"Hurt's doesn't it?" Merlin questioned; ferocity replacing the impassive mask that had rested on his features until now. "It feels like you can't quite get air into your lungs? You need to breathe so desperately and yet you can't. In a second your lungs will begin to burn and jump inside your chest, chasing the oxygen that isn't there because I won't let you have it. It's a pain that'll kill you from the inside out and solely because I've decided you shouldn't have the air you need to breathe." Merlin walked a slow circle around Arthur watching him struggle and attempt to grunt out a response. "That's what I feel like all the time, Arthur. People need magic to live, the earth needs magic to live but you and your father are draining the world of it like there's no tomorrow. I'm a warlock Arthur! Not a sorcerer or a witch, a WARLOCK! I was born with magic! Magic is not a choice for me I _AM_ magic. And everyday I shove it so deep down inside me it feels like suffocating for hours and hours. I can feel it clawing at my insides trying to get out but I never let it because that means certain death." Arthur's vision was beginning to swim and tears collected in his eyes. But they were not tears for himself, instead they were for his Merlin. His kind beautiful friend who lived in agony because of his ignorance and unwillingness to see. 

Merlin leaned in and whispered into Arthur's ear, "I fear you, dear friend. You are my greatest dream and my worst nightmare." That wrenched a sob from the prince so guttural it echoed in their haven. Tears rolled freely now on his face and he began to struggle against the invisible grip on his throat. He couldn't let Merlin do this. He couldn't let his friend fear him; murder him out of anger and bitterness. If he had any hand in turning someone so pure as Merlin into what was in front of him now he would fix it if it was the last thing he did. But he had to figure out how to escape now because it seemed Merlin had resolved not to fear Arthur anymore via choking him to death. Arthur rose a couple feet off the ground now with Merlin's hand extended toward his throat from the ground. His arm seemed to shake as he squeezed the grip on Arthur. The prince's legs flailed wildly and he tried to claw at his throat. He was a warrior and had no doubt in his mind in 5 more seconds he'd lose consciousness, it would take several minutes for Merlin to kill him this way but if he was passed out it didn't make much of a difference. 

"Mer- _lin_...so-rry" he rasped out in broken syllables. This seemed to shock Merlin into loosening his grip but he did not let go. "Please don't speak, Arthur," Merlin whispered for his voice was breaking. Arthur saw the momentary sadness flit across Merlin's hardened features and despite his current situation a jolt of joy and tenderness shot through him. Merlin was still in there somewhere, it wasn't too late. 

\-----------------------------------

Giaus let the book slip from his wrinkly hands and sighed heavily. He looked over to his ward who tried yet another spell and closed his eyes in defeated frustration when it didn't work either. "Merlin how are you feeling?" Giaus questioned turning his body toward the boy. Merlin didn't answer him but looked up with shocking pain in his eyes. "I can feel it, Giaus. Me and my other half are so far apart it's like he's nothing but a ghost hovering behind me. And I have found absolutely nothing on how to reverse this spell. What if the sorceress told the truth Giaus? What will happen if I can't fix this?" Guilt seemed to weigh heavily on Merlin as he sat and let his mind run through millions of disastrous endings to it all. He wasn't sure he could fight himself. 

"Merlin there is nothing you haven't been able to do in all the years you've been here. I refuse to believe that one little transmutation spell will be the end of it all!" Giaus stood from his bench and hobbled over to him. "Now get up and go ask kilgharrah what we need to do, and don't give me any of this 'Kilgharrah is a selfish creature who only gives information based on how it'll help him' because we don't have time for righteousness now. If your other half can go this long without turning the entire kingdom into toads surely you can do one thing that although you may despise you must do." Giaus stood in front of his ward giving him the most intense arch of a brow he could muster. 

It only took a few seconds for Merlin to crumble. It wasn't so much the brow (okay it was a little bit the brow) as much as it was Giaus' words. Merlin had felt kilgharrah would be a mistake, the dragon had only ever told him things that would benefit himself or given him an answer that was utterly unacceptable. He had murdered and maimed in the name of Arthur through kilgharrah's advice and that was something he could no longer stomach the idea of. And yet Giaus was right, for at the moment they didn't have another option and even though he could feel his other half slipping by the second he was still hanging on and that deserved at least some credit. Merlin had to return the effort. 

In no time at all he was face to face with a smirking dragon. "What have you done this time young warlock?" Kilgharrah boomed. 

"I have been hit with a transmutation spell, Kilgharrah. I feel it will not be too long before I am completely severed from my other half and need to know how to turn back," Merlin spoke with conviction. 

"I don't see how that's a bad thing, I can tell which side you are already; the weaker side. Your other half will do the things you were never capable of young warlock, you should be thankful. This way you could work together. He could do the things you cannot and you could heal those who have been hurt in the blind hunt for magic." The dragon's mouth curled up in what might've been a smile but large pointy teeth made that debatable. 

Merlin took a deep breath before speaking, "Or he could destroy us all with his hate. He could come here and bring the city to rubble with only a flick of his wrist and a word. What do you think he would do to you, great dragon? Do you think he'd set you free and applaud as you fly away? Or do you think he'd watch you die for all the pain you've caused him. Do you think he would be "strong" and do the things I could never bring myself to do to you? My other half is not strong, Kilgharrah; he's ruthless and dumb. He's blind to see the blame really lies on himself. Tell me how to fix this Kilgharrah or you will suffer at his hands, I swear it." 

The dragon's nostrils flared and his tail whipped in the air. A great roar erupted from his belly and smoldering fire engulfed the warlock. Merlin's arm rose up and shielded him from the impossible heat. The flames died down and Merlin was left to stare down an angry giant. "There is no you and him, warlock. You are one and until you realize and accept this you will never live in peace. HE would not make everyone suffer, YOU would. You must go to the crystal cave and see the truth there for I see in your heart you do not trust my words. Do not come back to me if you only plan on insulting me from your perceived moral high-ground." In a second the giant figure that had perched in front of Merlin was gone and only the beat of flapping wings could be heared in the cavern. 

With a lump in his throat Merlin set off on his quest. What did that mean? How was he supposed to accept a monster? He tried to swallow away the tightness in his throat and clear his eyes, if he was to find the cure he needed to hurry. 

\------------------------------

Merlin's magic fizzled in the air as his emotions ran wild. He could feel his hold on Arthur and the knights starting to weaken but he couldn't bring himself to end Arthur's life. He felt like a wounded animal, fighting out of fear more than anything else. And really all it took was those few seconds of weakness because before Merlin really noticed it the knights had cut through the thinning vines and run to the rescue of their prince. Leon slashed his sword across Merlin's back, careful not to fatally wound but not holding back on causing pain. The shock of it startled Arthur out of Merlin's grip and he fell with a heavy thud into the grass. He hacked raw coughs out and gasped for air. Merlin couldn't tell if the sight filled him with satisfaction or made him sick. But just as quickly as he felt remorse it vanished and was replaced with a keen sense of betrayal. Merlin had let himself feel for his friends for a split second and they had used his weakness to attack. People always took Merlin's empathy for weakness, but he was done letting them make that mistake. 

Merlin reeled around toward the knights and hit them with an invisible force that felt like being hit with a boulder. They all fell onto their backs and scrambled to stand. Behind him he could hear Arthur trying to call out his name only to cough violently. Satisfaction he decided, that's what he felt. He shook the ground under the knights feet and knocked them to their knees. This was fun but it wouldn't quite do Merlin thought as he approached the knights with a steady foot. He kicked a wobbling Leon across the jaw harshly and sent the knight crashing down with a spray of blood coming from his mouth. 

"Merlin!" Gwaine yelled as he lunged toward the warlock. "Get a hold of yourself! Look at what you're doing!" 

Merlin dodged him easily and sneered at the knight, "What I'm doing? Has he not just sliced my back into a bleeding mess?!" 

"You were killing, Arthur!" Leon joined in as he stood up against the tremoring ground. "Merlin you have to fight this! We can figure this all out but if you kill Arthur there will be no going back ... for any of us," Leon said with a pointed look. 

Merlin tensed his jaw and tried to make sense of his head. There was too many emotions and thoughts at once. These were his friends ... but were they? It was their fault they were all here in the first place. Merlin didn't want to kill them and yet he knew he had to, he understood that much better than his other half. Life was filled with doing things that would kill you inside if it meant it would end in the result you needed. And right now Merlin needed no knights or prince. He needed to kill them and kill the king and all those who persecute magic like hounds ravaging a fox in the woods. He would bring terror to those who had terrorized him and his kind for so long. 

"I gave you both a chance to leave. Don't say I wasn't fair to you." Merlin raised his hands to assault Lancelot and Gwaine when what felt like a bull tackled him from behind. He hit the ground harshly as the wind was knocked out of him. Percival sat on top of him holding his hands flat against the ground and with a knee pressed into the back of his neck. Elyan holding his legs down. Merlin was a powerful warlock but his physical strength had never matched up to that of the knights. He had the strength honed from hard work in the fields and then running around the castle carrying things for the prince, but not the strength to wrestle a trained knight. 

Arthur crawled toward the sprawled out Merlin and got down to see Merlin's face. "Merlin you don't need to fight us, we are your friends! YOU are MY friend! The things that we have done are unforgivable but they don't have to continue to be like this. Merlin-" 

"Stop speaking to me like I'm a child throwing a tantrum! You have no idea!" Merlin screamed; tears brimming in his eyes, "you have no idea what it is to live in shame! To feel disgusting for being born!" Merlin's body shook with exertion as he continued to fight against the knights holding him. "I'm the wolf in sheep's skin your all watching out for. I live in disguise and don't dare to appear for fear of anyone who's ever loved me hating me. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!" The wind began to howl and the already darkening sky became even duller as heavy clouds began to form. Freezing rain began to pelt down on the men. "I fear all of you. My closest friends. I lived in terror for the day you would all see me and kill me like you killed all of them. In front of me, like a daily reminder. I am wrong. I should not exist, and will not be allowed to exist," Merlin choked on his words. Angry sobs began to escape the man and with golden eyes the heavens began to spear the earth with lightning. The bolts seared the ground around the group as the strikes came closer and closer. "Don't think I'll hesitate to kill you just because I would die as well. Death is better than my stifled existence, I would be honored to die for those who will continue after me." 

The knights had been shocked into silence since the beginning. So much pain and Merlin had never said anything. Arthur's tears mingled with the rainwater that dripped from his hair and drenched his clothes. "We won't kill you Merlin, and we don't hate you," he said placing a shaky hand onto the raven head pressed to the ground. "Please Merlin. Let us help you. Let me prove to you that I do not hate you. Merlin it's true that I have done terrible things ... and I don't deserve your forgiveness." Arthur laid down next to Merlin and let his gloved hand run over the cheek bones he loved so much. "Come back to me, Merlin. We'll fix all of this together ... like we always do, remember? Just you and me against the world. If there was ever any need for proof that magic is good then you're it." 

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to fight against the pain in his chest at Arthur's words. The sky rumbled dangerously. 

"You're the most powerful warlock to walk the earth, or so they say," Arthur said with a shadow of a smile in his voice, "so I have to believe if you really wanted to we would all be dead by now. It's not too late." Arthur grabbed hold of Merlin's chin and willed Merlin to open his eyes. He did. "Help me make things right, Merlin." 

Merlin gasped out a breath and his blue eyes searched Arthur with an intensity he had never seen before. He must've found what he was looking for because then he said, "I'm sorry, Arthur. This is the only way ..." his eyes swirled with gold and for the second time that day Arthur felt like the world moved in slow motion. Except this time it was not magic but instead Arthur's heart breaking. A lightning bolt flashed in the sky and unfurled its way down toward the group. Arthur could see as its tendrils of electricity crackled in the air and reached directly toward the center of the group. An inch before it burned its way through Percival's head the knight and his fellow man Elyan were thrown to the side. The lightning crackled into Merlin's back and wrung a shrill cry from the warlock. It consumed his body and used it to find its way into the ground. 

The clouds above dispersed revealing the sun low on the horizon. The knights clambered towards Merlin with wide eyes and bated breath. Arthur turned Merlin onto his back and cupped the warlocks face. "Why would you do that!" He hissed as he shook his friends shoulders. He could feel a very weak pulse, but it beat unsteadily and lethargically. The knights all looked at each other and saw their emotions mirrored on each other's faces. Wrecked. They needed to help Merlin, not just now but always. They needed to protect him better; be better friends. Poor, stupid, stoic Merlin. It should never have gotten this far. In silence and feeling ten years older the knights hurried to caring for Merlin and getting on their horses. It would be a mad dash to get to the castle and Giaus now. They needed to save Merlin's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That got kind of intense, I'm sorry. And I know there seems to be a lot of blame placed on Arthur and the knights in this chapter and I just want y'all to know I don't think it was all their fault that's just "evil" Merlin's point of view. He doesn't really take all the blame he should, and "good" Merlin takes too much of it.
> 
> Also when Merlin gets captured and yells at them I used the theory that magic was meant to represent being lgbt+ although it doesn't necessarily mean that in this story, but the idea that the feelings might be similar helped me to understand what Merlin's pain could be like.


	5. Finding the Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin makes it to the crystal cave and learns what he must do to save himself and everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer than expected. I'm still not fully satisfied with it but I couldn't keep anyone waiting anymore. 
> 
> Tell me what you think of it please, I'd love to know!

Merlin panted as he climbed over a cluster of boulders made slippery by moss. All during his trek further into the woods he felt the magic pull between him and his other half fluctuate like the shores of the ocean. Whatever was going on only urged him on further into the thicket of trees. The connecting magic began to feel distant, like the waves receding into the ocean and that frightened Merlin. He broke into a sprint headed toward the cave that held all the answers he needed. His boots pounded across the forest floor and his lungs began to work over time. His heart beat in his chest strongly; pumping blood through his body and driving him further. Sweat collected at his temples and began to run down the sides of his face. 

The feeling of the bond stretching with impossible tension made his stomach lurch like the ground had disappeared from under him and he ran like a terrorized creature being hunted. The further his other half strayed, the further this half was pushed away and Merlin wasn't sure how much longer he wanted to fight. Maybe Kilgharrah had been right after all, he could finally be free of all his impure thoughts and become a force for good. But if he found himself agreeing with Kilgharrah then he surely couldn't actually believe this change was for the better. 

Nevertheless it was a heady feeling to feel all his usual torments be so distant. There was no bitterness in his heart, no fear in his mind, only love and the drive to use his magic to protect his prince. He slowed down his sprint to a jog and let himself revel in the purity of his feelings. How could something that felt so good be wrong? He could use his magic to protect Arthur from magical threats that came to him, he could live day to day knowing that he would never do the kinds of despicable things he'd done in the past. Never again would he kill and maim, never again would he stay up at night and think of all the people he betrayed, never again would he lie over and over to those he loved. 

In the distance he heard thunderous rumbling which snapped him out of his day dreams. He looked up to see nothing but clear skies, yet the sounds persisted. Lightening strikes cracked in the air and Merlin's magic started to dance in a frenzy. He could only think of other Merlin as the cause of all the magical disruption, but Merlin could see no evidence of the storm. He stood where he was for some time simply spinning around and trying to find even a single cloud in the sky only to fail. The bond between the two seemed to pull and pull like a taut rope who's fibers had begun to fray. His heart felt like it was in his throat and he was sure it was too late. A last sharp crack of thunder rang through the forest and then the sounds of the storm died. Suddenly the ocean tide came back that instant and Merlin gasped as he was flooded by the magic. The bond that had been straining so much seconds ago now felt stronger than it had in hours. 

With renewed vigor Merlin's legs took off before he had the sense to process the movement. The valley of the fallen kings was already visible to him as he sprinted through the forest once more. He slowed down and took care while walking through the valley, even in his frenzy he could tell it was a sacred place. The valley was unconcerned with who or why someone would pass through, and no man was above the respect it demanded. Leaves crunched under his steady feet as he continued his walk toward the mouth of the cave. In there was the solution to their problem. He knew better than to let himself hope for an easy way out of all this trouble, but he couldn't help the joy that stirred in his chest at the sight of it. 

His legs began to tremble a bit as he walked in. The magic there was refreshing, like taking a large swig of cool spring water after being parched for days. He ventured in deeper lured by the pull of pure magic until the light of the outside began to fade. He found his way into a chamber of the cave that seemed to glow with a blue energy. Crystals were in clusters all over the walls and ground, some even jutted out of the ceiling. He stared in awe at the crystals before looking around more thoroughly. He had come to the cave but received no instruction further than this. Perhaps he needed to find a rare sort of plant that only grew here? He began to look more closely at the walls and ground for any sign of rare vegetation. "Emrys, finally you have arrived," a voice echoed over to him from the entrance of this section of the cave. Merlin turned to face a man. He stood tall and proud clothed in a brown robe but his appearance was not quite human. His body moved in a way that seemed to almost float as he made his way to Merlin and his skin seemed translucent. The same energy that glowed on the rocks glowed from the man as well. 

"Who are you?" Merlin said moving closer. 

"My name does not matter, but my purpose does." The man moved past Merlin and to one of the flatter crystals near the center of the cave. 

"Then what is your purpose?" Merlin followed the man with blind trust. 

"To help you find your way back to being whole."

"You already know what's wrong?" 

"Indeed. But your questions will have to wait for some other time, Emrys. Now I need you to look into this crystal, here you will find the answer to your problem." 

Merlin's brows creased together as he bowed his head to look at the sleek top of the crystal. It was beautiful and shiny, but certainly held no answers for him. 

"I- I don't understand," he said turning to look at the other man. 

"I have dwelled this cave for 300 years, Emrys, and I have learned the crystals only yield answers to those magical beings who wait. Have patience, and trust in your magic." 

Merlin's nostrils flared as he turned to look at the crystal again. He needed to focus, he didn't expect this peace between his bond to the other half to last very long. 

\-----------------------

Arthur stomped through the halls exuding as much authority as he could. Merlin was hurt and he had absolutely no time for his actions to be questioned. Behind him walked Percival with Merlin in his arms. He was tasked with carrying Merlin because as it turned out although Merlin was skinny he was also tall and gangly; it took a big man to carry his dead weight and his long limbs. Leon and Elyan walked with them as well making a clear point that now was not the time to approach the group. Gwaine and Lancelot had run off to get Giaus as soon as they had arrived. 

It was not appropriate of the prince to take his servant up to his chambers, a servant should be left in the physician's chambers to be taken care of, but Arthur was not about to let that happen. Anyone could go into Giaus' rooms and see Merlin there; who did not have complete control over his magic. Much better that the maids rumor about why he did it than about the sorcerer who was executed for daring to get close to the prince. They arrived and with a few glares that incited complete discretion from the guards outside his chambers the group went in. 

Giaus arrived just as Percival was setting Merlin down onto the bed with a grunt. Merlin's eyes lazily opened but he looked to be a million miles away. His eyes had not stopped glowing golden since their journey home and it was eerie to see them gaze around the room. Giaus' face looked thin and aged beyond his years at the sight of his ward. Lancelot and Gwaine had clearly already briefed him on what happened because he went into action as soon as he approached the bed. Out of his physicians bag he pulled out a small vial filled with a luminescent purple liquid. He slid his hand under Merlin's head and tipped the vial in between his lips. The liquid glugged out of the vial and seemed to wash down Merlin's throat. Merlin gurgled in the back of his throat and his eyes rolled back into his head slowly. His limbs seemed to go lax and he melted into the bed as if taking a comfortable nap. 

"I've sedated him, sire," Giaus informed Arthur. 

"With what?" Arthur asked skeptically. Giaus turned to him with a brow high on his forehead as if to say _you don't really want to know_. Arthur knew better than to argue with Giaus. The old man turned his attention back to Merlin and carefully cut through Merlin's tunic to get a clear view of his body. With help from Arthur they removed the scorched rags that were left of Merlin's clothes and turned him onto his stomach. Arthur turned to the few knights that were in his chambers and they took it as their cue for privacy. They left, some more reluctant than the others. Merlin's back should've been burned at the point of impact and shown an elaborate pattern created by the electricity finding the path of least resistance over his skin, but all that was there was a single clean slice made by the sharp edge of Leon's blade earlier. 

"What's going on Giaus?" 

"Well, sire ... the only explanation I can think of is magic. Merlin's magic must've protected him somehow, but I wouldn't be able to begin explaining how. It shouldn't work like this. Although, evidently it has not worked completely because even before I sedated him he seemed to be fading in and out of consciousness. Aside from that effect I don't see further damage. His pupils react to stimulus correctly and his pulse is normal. He also seems to be breathing fine, especially after the drought I've given him." Giaus ran his hands expertly over different points on Merlin's body reading it like a book. "No broken bones or sprained joints, and no internal inflammation pointing to injuries we cannot see." 

"Yes, our confrontation was relatively short. We already had him pinned down in the woods and then he struck himself with lightening, for the life of me I cannot figure out what Merlin was playing at." 

"Had you defeated him?" Giaus asked with an undertone Arthur couldn't understand. 

"Sir Percival and Sir Elyan had him immobilized. He got quite violent but without using his magic he isn't very strong so he was held down, we weren't going to hurt him more if we didn't have to." 

"That's just it sire. Merlin might not be as physically strong as you knights but his magic far exceeds the strength of you all combined, no offense of course, but I fear if Merlin really wanted to make some damage he could've. From what I've heard from Lancelot and Gwaine you talked my boy down, and for that I am incredibly grateful." Giaus reached out and started to softly pet Merlin's hair, "You helped him see straight even when his good was stolen from him. I think it was thanks to you Merlin realized if he were to get lost completely no one could stop him, not even the knights of Camelot, and so he struck himself. I'm not quite sure if he knew if he would survive ... but he did it regardless to spare us all and himself I suppose." 

Arthur did not have a response to that at all. Getting to the castle after Merlin struck himself had been terrifying. No one quite knew if Merlin would be okay, and that was always one of the worst things that could happen to Arthur. How someone would rather potentially die via striking themselves with lightning rather than harm other people was very unclear to Arthur but he was glad to know Merlin wasn't gone yet. He was hanging on as hard as he could to those few moments where he had good inclinations, and that was all Arthur could hope for. 

"How long will he be out?" Arthur asked, _how much time do we have left_ was unspoken but clear. 

"Merlin's magic makes using droughts unpredictable but at the very least we should have a few hours. The other Merlin set off to find the antidote hours ago. I do not know when he will return." 

Arthur felt like crawling out of his skin with anxiety. Merlin was slipping in between his fingers and he couldn't help. He felt utterly useless. Instead he simply nodded at Giaus before going over to his writing desk. Giaus remained by Merlin and fiddled with cleaning Merlin's wound to avoid infection, then just finding anything to do to stay near his ward. Arthur himself wanted to go over and do Gods knew what. Just hold Merlin. But he didn't want to interrupt the moment Giaus was having with him, and he wasn't sure if he could actually handle being around Merlin right now. He had no idea what he would do if Merlin wasn't alright at the end of all of this. 

\--------------------------

Merlin watched in absolute horror as a mirror image of himself lifted a defenseless Arthur into the air with his magic and choked him. His prince's feet wiggled in the air and his face reddened with blood; a terrifying smile on Merlin's face as he watched the other man struggle for breath. He saw a cautious Leon approach him silently from behind and slash at his back. Arthur fell harshly onto the dirt and coughed raggedly. Merlin then turned on the knights and made the earth quake beneath them. He cruelly kicked Leon across the jaw and took pleasure in watching the spray of blood that spewed from the knights mouth. 

"I can't do this," Merlin gasped looking away from the crystal. Had his other half killed his friends? Is that why he was so calm now? 

"You must keep watching if you wish to know the truth, Emrys. You cannot be of faint heart now." 

"Faint heart? I am not faint, but I cannot watch my friends struggle at that monsters hand!" 

"That 'monster' is you." 

"I am not cruel!" 

"He's frightened. In pain." 

"I can't go back to feeling those things. I won't. They only ever made me a terrible person. I've hurt so many people you have no idea. I can't do it again." 

"You carry a great burden, Emrys. You are forced to make difficult decisions." 

"I can find another way. If I follow my instincts now I can do good for so many people. There is no room in this world for whatever that other half of me is, and I won't be responsible for letting it continue. I'm better off like this." Merlin made to leave but the man blocked the exit. It was not a threat, and there was nothing aggressive about his action, but he carried himself with great authority. "You must continue watching. It is the only way." Merlin wanted to protest but something about the man made him think twice. With fear he returned to the crystal and dared to look in it once more. He was shocked to find only a reel of the worst things he'd ever done before he was ever separated from his other half. He saw there the growing group of bodies that collected over the years as he protected Arthur. He watched as he poisoned Morgana and held her in his arms. He watched as he lied and cursed magic in front of Arthur. Lastly he watched as his other half almost killed Percival and Elyan only to accidentally strike himself with lightening. 

"Please," Merlin spoke with a choked off voice, "stop showing me this." 

"I am doing nothing, young warlock. It is the cave and it's magic. It is trying to tell you what you cannot seem to see for yourself." 

"That I'm the monster?" Merlin whispered. 

"That you are what you need to be. You cannot condemn this other part of you for doing the things it does. You have felt the things he has felt. You are one and the same. He is afraid for his life, and he keenly understands sacrifice. So do you. You are not a monster for having done the things you have done, you are simply a protector. If your other half is meant to be evil, then he is a necessary one." 

Merlin stared at the ethereal man. He felt an ache in his chest begin to come to life as he thought about the words he had just heard. Maybe he was right, but if he was right then that meant Merlin could not stay as he was now. He felt like weeping for himself. It was selfish, but he did not wish to return to his past life. In this body his hands were free of blood and his mind was void of the screams of the people and beasts he had to slaughter. But then the mans words rang in his head once more. "He keenly understands sacrifice. So do you," and Merlin knew exactly what he had to do. That lightening strike had been no accident, and now he had to suffer his own lightening strike in a sense. He would have to make a sacrifice just like his other half did. He would have to bid this body and mind goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be one more chapter after all of this, hope you enjoy!


	6. Amalgamation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin makes the effort to correct this entire mishap, and Arthur tries to correct a mishap of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we're wrapping her up! Sorry to like the three people who actually consistently read the story and had to wait a while for each chapter lol you're my heros and ily <3 hope my story has been worth it!

Merlin made his way down the dirt path leading to the gates of the city. His head hung low as a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions tore through him. He hadn't dared to think that this massive problem would have an easy fix, but he also hadn't fathomed it would have such an impossible solution. In theory it was easy, reconcile with the fact that we all have good and bad sides, and yet he hadn't been able to do that in all the years he had been alive. If anything as the years went on he only grew to loath parts of himself more and more. His stomach turned at the thought of going back to the person he had been at the start of the day. It was dark out now, the stars in the sky signaling it was time for the people of the kingdom to rest. Merlin wished he could rest too. It felt like it had been a century since the start of the day; a never ending nightmare. 

He made it to the gates and gave the guards a weary nod. They recognized him quickly enough and let him through. Merlin's throat grew tighter as he made his way toward the castle. His pace was slow and haggard and although he knew he really should hurry not a single fiber in him followed the command. It felt like ages before he finally made it to Gaius's chambers. The old wooden door creaked open and he stepped through into an empty room. He flopped down onto the work bench and let his head fall back with his eyes closed. He felt utterly defeated even though he had the answer to all their problems. Ever since he was young Merlin grew to see himself as a freak of nature, and even though Hunith discouraged any line of thought such as that she had never been able to convince him they weren't true. None of the other children were like Merlin, and he had to hide who he was even while he still didn't know all his letters. Then Merlin grew older and he learned that other people had magic too, and while it consoled him slightly that he wasn't the only one, his fears only grew. All those that were like him were met with an execution one way or another. His very first day in Camelot had been a clear warning to any magic users. Message received. 

Then he met Arthur, and everything changed. Even though he disliked the prince at the beginning they became fast friends, and for the first time in his entire life he had a purpose for his magic. He felt unbridled joy when he saved Arthur's life, but things did not remain so black and white after some time. Of course he could never regret saving his best friend's life, but some of the things he'd done in the name of protection ate him from the inside out. Merlin never thought he would take another's life, until he did. Merlin never thought he would lie through his teeth so often it would get easier and easier until he barely spared it a thought when he looked his loved ones in the eye and spewed bullshit. Even without bringing magic into the equation Arthur still complicated Merlin's life. He was his friend, he loved his friend, and he wasn't sure it was purely in a friendly way. Given the way his other half had acted around Arthur he was almost completely sure it wasn't. But Arthur was a straight prince who kissed pretty women like Gwen, and the son of Uther Pendragon, the very man who ordered the slaughter of his kin. People praised and cooed at Merlin for being so kind and helpful, but they knew nothing about what lurked inside him underneath the surface. He was kind because he worked hard at it, he was sweet because it was deliberate. But under the mask of sunshine and rainbows was nothing but pain. He walked his days in fear and apprehension, it was exhausting feeling that way even when he tried his hardest to be happy. Nothing that involved him was ever simple. Why could nothing ever be simple? 

He hadn't been able to accept himself before, and after feeling what it was like to be without any of those other things he couldn't see a way back. The image of Arthur high in the air with his legs kicking and tears in his eyes was burned into Merlin's mind and it seemed to appear every time he blinked. How do you welcome something like that back to yourself? It really was evil. Plain and simple. In the end he figured he wasn't any better than Uther Pendragon. His other half did unspeakable things to those around him from a place of fear and in all honesty resentment. Except maybe he couldn't claim his other half was completely an evil monster because as more time passed he understood why he had struck himself with lightening. Merlin was one with the elements, it was the kind of magic he had since he was a child. Now that he was older he used spells for more complicated things, but nature had been Merlin's friend since he babbled nonsense and fell over when he tried to sit up. Other Merlin knew the lightening wouldn't kill him, but he did understand it was just about the knights only chance of having him incapacitated and Merlin wasn't about to throw that opportunity away. Taking a deep breath he pushed himself off the bench and clinging to the little determination he had left he ventured to Arthur's chambers. 

The guards at the sides of Arthur's heavy wooden doors seemed to startle at the sight of Merlin approaching the chambers. They looked at each other with confusion and seemed to stand straighter. Merlin briefly thought about how grateful he was for their service, undoubtedly they had seen and heard some weird things throughout the years outside of Arthur's chambers yet they never gossiped and always protected him with loyalty anyway. Merlin pushed the door open and was yanked away from his brief reverie at the sight inside. Gaius pet the hair of his duplicate who slept fitfully as if fighting to wake up. Arthur sat at his desk but the look on his face was the one he wore to ride into battle. They both looked over to Merlin with shock and hope as he made his way closer. 

"Have you found the solution, Merlin?" Arthur asked as he pushed his chair back loudly and rounded his desk. Merlin avoided Arthur's eyes as he made his way over to the bed towards Gaius and other Merlin. He did not answer and instead placed a hand on his mentor's shoulder while examining the man who lay in the bed. It was strange to be able to see himself so fully, it was infinitely different from what he saw in the mirror. In fact if none of this had happened and this man approached him he wouldn't of thought it was himself, perhaps a man who looked funnily similar if anything. Beads of sweat stuck to his temple and the hair on his forehead clung to his pale skin as he shifted and shook his head. If he didn't know any better he would've thought the man was in pain. 

"Merlin ... the cure?" Gaius prodded softly. 

"I know what it is. But I'm not sure it's possible. I don't think I can do this Gaius, I have no idea _how_." 

"Merlin," Arthur said turning Merlin by his shoulders to look into his eyes, "I know you can do this. You always fix everything, and now we need you again my friend." Arthur looked past Merlin to stare at the one on the bed. "I have been with your worst half all day ... and yet he was still the best person I know. You and your ... _your magic_ , you can do anything you set your mind to." 

Merlin loved Arthur. He knew it right then. He loved Arthur and he would do anything his prince asked him. He didn't speak for fear of his voice breaking but gave the prince a steady nod and took a deep breath. He turned to Gaius and squeezed his uncles arm for reassurance. "I will do my best," Merlin told the pair. The air in the room grew heavy and Gaius and Arthur could feel it without being told so with all their willpower they forced themselves to walk until they were outside in the hall and Merlin had his privacy. 

Merlin turned to the man on the bed. _That's me_ , he tried to convince himself. He walked around to the other side and climbed on it next to himself. He laid down on his side right side and reached over with a shaky breath. He placed his hand on his other half's face and gasped as the flushed skin oozed magic into his fingertips. Tears Merlin had been holding back all day finally began to spill over his cheeks and he huddled closer to himself. Through the link and the touch Merlin could feel everything his other half did. It was all the things he usually felt himself except now it had been amplified ten-fold. No wonder the man tossed and turned when inside him was only a raging panic. He had given himself up in a moment of clarity but now the madness was back and it told him he was drugged and in the chambers of Arthur Pendragon, known executioner of magical people. Merlin choked on a sob as he realized what he had done to himself. All this time he rejected this man because he did not want to be associated with the things he felt and thought, he didn't want to go back to feeling lonely and scared, but he didn't spare a thought about what it would feel like to carry that burden. He felt joy and love in intense amounts and forced his dark underbelly on the version of himself that shook next to him on the bed. The tremors that had been racking his body seemed to calm once Merlin's palm had rested against his cheek, and just like Merlin absorbed his fear, he absorbed Merlin's love. He pushed into the touch. Merlin sniffled as he cradled his own head against his chest. _Poor Merlin_ , thought Merlin and the thought almost made him chuckle. 

His other half seemed to be rousing and his eyes blinked open ever so slowly. Merlin swallowed down his shock at the sight of swirling golden eyes. "Hi, Merlin," he spoke devoid of the cutting hostility he had earlier in the day. Merlin ran his hands through his double's sweaty hair and let their magic flow together freely. 

"How do you feel?" 

"Like I was struck by lightening." 

"Thank you for that." 

"You won't be thanking me once we get back to being one again, seriously, I feel terrible." 

Merlin's throat grew tighter at the feeling of guilt rising in his chest. If his other half could strike himself with lightening just to help out why couldn't he simply accept himself and end this all? "I'm sorry I keep pushing you away," whispered Merlin. 

"You're always sorry," Merlin said with no bite, "you should stop apologizing so much." 

"Things are always my fault," he chuckled humorlessly. 

"That is a mighty self-centered thing to say, I mean really Merlin not _everything_ is about you. Sometimes things happen and you don't have any control over how they turn out, you can only blame yourself for not trying." 

Merlin knew that was a subtle jab at his current state but he really didn't feel like fighting back, after all, was he really wrong? As they clutched each other tight their magic felt like soothing waters that washed back and forth between the two of them swirling together the contents of their souls. 

"I want to try. I want to fix this, Merlin. Arthur needs me." 

"I also know what it's like to love him." Merlin closed his golden eyes and rested his head against Merlin's neck instead of looking him in the eyes. "But you have to love me too. You have to love you first." The almost wounded voice with which the statement was made shocked Merlin. His magic and soul felt bruised in that instant, and he knew it was he who had battered it that way. With the slight detachment he had he was finally able to see clearly for the first time in his life. He felt the man against him as he breathed in slowly. He was warm and pliant and the way his long fingers gripped Merlin's tunic did not speak of inner monstrosity but only of desperation. And he knew that feeling well. This man next to him was no saint, but he sure as hell wasn't a monster. 

He was a human. 

The pool of magic turned into an ocean then and Merlin gasped at the sensation of the purity of it all. He pulled himself infinitely closer to the point where he couldn't tell where he ended and the other began. " _I do love you, Merlin_."

Something in his very core began to swell and his magic was taking free reign. Golden light emanated from the duo curled against one another and began to swirl like the heavy waters of a running river. The magic felt heavy and the sensation was not unlike cutting through water as you swam your hardest. It wove over their limbs and in between their bodies until there was not a single spot around them that was not touched by their magic. A sharp intake of breath left the pair as the inexplicable happened and their minds joined. Love, hate, fear, trust, and a never ending barrage of feelings and images began to lace together. Two hearts began to beat as one and two souls became interwoven. Merlin cried out and his duet of voices simmered down into only one. " _I love you too, Merlin_ ," came a whisper from the back of his mind and then just as quickly as it came it was gone. All the magic that the two had had let slip began to recede back into his being and all he could hear, see, taste, feel, smell, and _breathe_ was magic. 

Outside the chambers Arthur and Gaius paced back and forth anxious to know what was happening. The heavy wooden door was great at blocking sounds and the small murmurs coming from the chambers were so faint it could be argued they weren't hearing anything at all. After some time the hair on the back of Arthur's neck stood up and Merlin's magic was almost palpable in the hall, he avoided looking at the guards and seeing their reaction. When a bright golden light began to emit from the crack under the door, brighter and brighter until it was almost blinding Arthur was sure he couldn't wait a second longer. Inside Merlin cried out harshly and Arthur decided he _wouldn't_ wait a second longer. He barged in with Gaius close behind only to be blinded by Merlin's form on the bed. The blurry shape of his manservant became more and more apparent through the glow until finally the light seemed to be sucked into Merlin and all that was left was an unconscious manservant sprawled out on his bed.

Gaius zipped past Arthur with startling speed for a man his age and began to check Merlin's vitals. Arthur seemed to be frozen to the spot by the sight of Merlin being just one man again. When Gaius peeled his eyelids back one by one to check pupil responses to light stimulation the iris's were once again deep blue and only flecks of gold remained. Arthur could've cried at the sight of Merlin's eyes; he was sure he'd never see them again. He always thought Merlin had beautiful eyes. With a deep breath Arthur approached the pair and dared to look at Merlin close up. He looked like the same Merlin ... but was he the same Merlin? He began to stir and murmur a broken series of _ArthurArthurArthur_ as a crease between his brows began to form. Arthur reached for Merlin's shoulders and settled him down into the bed, "I'm right here, Merlin." At the words Merlin's face relaxed a bit but his head still shook back and forth as he struggled to wake up. Gaius touched the back of his hand to his forehead and frowned slightly, "Merlin, can you hear me?" 

"Y-es," Merlin slurred out almost drunkenly. 

"You did it, my boy," Gaius whispered to Merlin, "Everyone is safe. You need to rest now, Merlin." And for the first time Arthur witnessed Merlin obeying instructions without any argument. 


	7. Culmination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything seems to be back to normal, and Merlin and Arthur finally deal with some stuff they've been avoiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on another chapter but here it is and it'll be the last in this story. Thank you to whoever read this story, you all make me so happy!

Birds chirped gaily as the sun shone in its full splendor in the sky. The song gentled Merlin out of the sleep that had taken over hours before. As he opened his eyes he couldn't help but notice he felt better rested than he had for years. Suddenly all of the events from yesterday came crashing into the forefront of his mind. First he was in the forest getting hit by as spell, then he was split into two, he lived two different lives, then he finally converged into one again. Merlin had never felt so changed yet stable in his entire life. He knew who he was, and where he stood in the world. The second thing he noticed was the rich red duvet that surrounded him with comfort and the fact that he was wearing no trousers. He lifted to the duvet to see a distinct lack of breeches and an over sized tunic that could only belong to one person. The very person who's warm hand curled around his fingers. It was Arthur. His head rested next to Merlin's thigh, his hair sparkling gold in the sunlight that filtered through the windows. Around the chamber candles burned weakly and others were nothing more than puddles of wax. Had Arthur stayed there the entire night? 

Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand and forced down the joy that curled in his chest at being able to do so. Arthur mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like his usual plea for five more minutes of sleep before his head shot up with comical speed. Wide blue eyes stared at Merlin as a grin brighter than the sun itself spread across the princes features. Arthur's hair stuck up on the right side of his head and he looked absolutely beautiful. Merlin couldn't hold back the answering smile. 

"MERLIN!" Arthur sat up straighter in his chair as he inspected the manservant. "How do you feel?" 

"Surprisingly well for someone who was struck by lightning yesterday." 

Arthur's grin faded slightly and Merlin could've kicked himself for ruining the moment. "Yes, Gaius said nothing was damaged so at most you'd be dealing with soreness and he sentenced you to get lots of bed rest. Would you like me to call him?" Arthur asked with concern lacing his voice. Merlin didn't miss the way Arthur hadn't let go of his hand. 

"No. Not yet at least. First Arthur ... I wanted to apologize for hurting you yest-" 

"Merlin, please," Arthur breathed as he took Merlin's hand between both of his now, "you are not the one who should be apologizing. I ... I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I had no idea, but my ignorance doesn't excuse the people I've hurt. I was raised to think all magic was evil and corrupts, but if you exist then none of that can be true. I won't ask for your forgiveness, but I do need you to understand how sorry I am. You mean more to me than anyone else and you didn't feel you could trust me, that was my fault." 

Arthur's head hung low as he finished and he let go of Merlin's hand. Being careful to retain his modesty, Merlin sat up and dangled his legs off the bed to sit facing Arthur. Gathering up his courage he reached for Arthur's hand and held onto it like a lifeline. "Just like you were raised thinking magic was evil, I was raised believing I would die for being born with it. It isn't that you weren't a good enough friend to me, Arthur, it was just a simple case of having secrecy as my only means of survival ingrained so deeply. Besides a very small handful of people that I didn't voluntarily tell about my magic no one else knows. You are my greatest friend and I hurt you as well. Let's promise not to hurt each other any longer. No more secrets." 

Arthur finally looked up to Merlin and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. He looked so young then and Merlin was surprised to realize he hadn't seen that look in a very long time. A smile grew slowly on Arthur's lips and he nodded his head at Merlin. He moved to stand in between Merlin's legs and Merlin's breath caught in his throat. 

"Then in the spirit of no more secrets, there is something I should tell you," Arthur whispered closing the distance between them, "I love you." Merlin had only a second to be shocked before a pair of soft lips were upon his. Merlin relaxed into the press of lips and his magic buzzed inside his chest. The kiss was reverent and slow in a way Arthur had never imagined. There were no barriers in between the two men at that moment; it was just Merlin and Arthur. They parted short of breath despite how chaste the kiss was and resisted the giddy laughter that threatened to erupt from them. "I love you too, Arthur," Merlin said already leaning in for another kiss. He wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and leaned back bringing them both crashing down onto the bed. 

Arthur smiled into the kiss and he scooted them onto the bed more until he could slot himself comfortably in between Merlin's legs. Merlin's long fingers ran through smooth blond hair and tugged softly. He wrapped his legs around Arthur's hips and pulled him as close as possible. Arthur pulled back from the kiss to look down at Merlin with an arched brow, "You need bed rest Merlin." Merlin simply scoffed at the prince. Arthur was currently bathed in sunlight and his lips were red and glossy from kissing, how was Merlin meant to stop when he looked like that? With a maneuver that caused Arthur to yelp Merlin flipped them around and straddled Arthur. "What I need is something completely different," he said emphasizing it with a lazy roll of his hips. Arthur gulped at the sight of Merlin on top of him. His bare legs were warm and flush against his sides; the tunic hanging loosely from his shoulders. He had a feeling he was going to lose this fight, he never could say no to Merlin. Just as Arthur was reaching for Merlin's waist a rapt knock came from the door. 

"Sire, may I come in? I wish to check on Merlin again," called Gaius. 

"Uhh ... give me a moment Gaius!" Arthur answered as royally as you can when you have someones almost son straddling you. The two scrambled apart from one another, Merlin to the safety of being under the covers and Arthur to stand up and adjust a problem that had formed in his breeches. Arthur patted down his hair and straightened his tunic as much as he could before checking with Merlin. He nodded at Arthur and the prince walked over to the door. 

"Pardon for the wait," he said needlessly making Gaius raise an eyebrow, "We were just talking." At the realization Merlin was awake Gaius forgot any questions he had as he rushed to his wards side. "My boy, I'm so happy to see you awake!" He exclaimed and hugged Merlin to his chest. The boy laughed and clung to his mentor. Arthur couldn't help the joy that caused butterflies to flutter around in his stomach. It seemed everything would be fine. 

\----------------------------------

In the weeks to come Arthur and Merlin got to know each other much better. Often at the end of the day they would sit around Arthur's chambers and tell each other the things they had never felt brave enough to say before. Merlin told Arthur about all the things he had done with his magic since he arrived in Camelot, the good and the ugly alike. Arthur listened attentively and reigned in the flood of emotions each story came with. Arthur confessed to Merlin the treasonous thoughts he had about his father, the questions that came with so many of the things Uther stood for. He confessed how hard it was to hate and love his father in equal measures. He even told Merlin how hard it was for him to get used to magic, but that he wanted more than anything to one day have that change. Through it all they never judged one another and remained a rock for the other to hold on to. 

During the third week of these talks Arthur took Merlin on his fur rug in front of the fire. Afterward they lay in a heap on the ground panting and satisfied. Arthur lay on top of Merlin with his head resting on his back. Her heard a soft _I love you_ coming from Merlin underneath him and he kissed an answer into Merlin's shoulder. Slowly he pulled out of Merlin and moved until he was spooning him. He placed a soft kiss onto Merlin's nape and felt the man shudder against him. "I am only the prince now, but when I am king ..." he trailed off. Merlin turned to face him and searched his eyes with a fierce intensity. 

"When you are king what, Arthur?" 

"When I am king, you won't have to hide any more. No magic user will. My kingdom will be a safe place for everyone ... thanks to you." 

Merlin cupped Arthur's face and ran a thumb over his cheekbone. He thought about the words he had yelled at the sorceress in the forest all that time ago. _Arthur is everything good and fair._ He felt tears brimming in his eyes as he swallowed away the lump in his throat. "It is thanks to you, Arthur. You have always been my king, and I know what a just man you are. The day you rule over this kingdom so will everyone else, and Camelot will finally have the king she had always deserved." The kiss that followed overflowed with love and devotion. They did not part from one another for hours to follow until neither could keep their eyes open any longer. 

There on the rug they fell asleep; warm in the safety of being in each others arms. There was absolute trust between Albion's king and his sorcerer. Magic was not good or evil and neither was man. Everyone holds a tornado of both within their soul, and it is their choice what they will give in to and what they will control. Merlin chose Arthur, and which parts of him made the choice he could not say. Perhaps it was devotion, or selfishness, dependency, or love. He knew only one thing with certainty: Every part of him loved Arthur and it was love that would drive them to change the world. And that's exactly what they did. Albion flourished under King Arthur and his court sorcerer Merlin and they both grew to be thankful for that sorceress in the forest. In the end she did save all the magic users; she was the catalyst to their future. 

No longer was it only Merlin that changed. It was Arthur, it was Camelot, it was Albion. One spell in the forest years and years ago changed a dying kingdom full of hate to one full of love and hope. But as Gaius so smartly said that afternoon, "Transmutation spells take time." The transmutation was now complete, and this time no cure was needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After reading it I find it was kind of sappy, but the show itself was so far from sappy that I decided it was okay to let them have happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> Revela nunc te, progredere, dualitas, et vince illud quod fortissimus in te est = Show yourself now, come forth duality and win that which is strongest in you. 
> 
> Ventus cede mihi = Wind yield to me. 
> 
> I chose to do the spells in Latin because in the show they use Old English but girl how would I know? The really kind reader Just_another_shipper helped me out with correcting the first spell!


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